If I Was The President

Sometimes, when I’ve nothing better to do, I daydream about what I would do in various unlikely situations. For example, how would I spend $150 million if I won the lottery? That would be a little more likely if I bought a ticket. Or how would I remodel my house on one of those remodeling shows? I suspect my landlord would not be happy with my plans, though, so maybe I should wait until I own my own house.

After re-reading Tom Clancy’s Executive Orders recently, then watching “Commander in Chief” this week, I started thinking about what I’d do as the President. I can’t really imagine a set of circumstances that would get me there, but sometimes realism isn’t that important in fantasy. Naturally, there’d be a lot I’d like to do politically, but I’ll save that for other blogs. I was thinking more about what I would do for fun in between crises.

For starters, I think I could make the media happy by skipping vacations altogether. After all, I haven’t had a real vacation apart from family visits and day-trips since I got married. When I was in Italy for three years, I didn’t even have family visits! I did spend a week in England, but that was as a Boy Scout Leader for summer camp – not all that relaxing. Of course, I also spent time in at least seven other countries on business trips, but it looks to me like the President gets to do that sort of thing, too. Most of our Presidents have spent a few weeks going “back home,” wherever that might be, such as Crawford, Texas for President Bush. After 18 years in the Army, though, I don’t really have a home I’m desperate to go back to. I figure a weekend at Camp David now and again would be plenty, and during my term of office, my family can come visit me! Maybe the Secret Service can show them around downtown…

There are some other recreation possibilities, though. Kennedy Center is basically the government’s private theatre. I think if the President mentioned he’d like to see a certain group, arrangements could be made. Maybe a Renaissance Faire Music Festival, featuring the Minstrels of Mayhem and the O’Danny Girls? I bet getting tickets isn’t a problem the President would have.

For that matter, it would be the perfect opportunity to meet people. How many of your favorite movie stars, TV stars, musicians, and authors do you think would turn down an invitation to dinner at the White House? I’d like to invite Geena Davis and Martin Sheen to discuss dramatic portrayals of the Presidency, after I’ve done the real thing for a few months. That might be a good excuse to invite Harrison Ford, too, even though Air Force One is not the real reason I’d want to meet him – I’d much rather meet Han Solo and Indiana Jones. The President can’t exactly go down to the pub on a whim, but I could invite Spider Robinson and bring Callahan’s Bar to the White House, metaphorically at least. In fact, I suspect that every living author on my Yahoo 360 Favorites list would get an invitation sooner or later. If only it had happened in time for me to meet Robert Heinlein…

The one meeting I’d most like to set up, though, is a working lunch with Larry Niven, Jerry Pournelle, and the Administrator of NASA. I’m just certain that those two authors have a number of workable suggestions on improving the Space Program, and I’d very much like to hear the Administrator’s response to their ideas. In fact, his response might determine how long he’d stay Administrator…because I just bet Paul Allen would be interested in the job, even if he had to give up his stake in SpaceShipOne.

Yes, I can definitely see some opportunities for fun as the President. All in all, though, I can’t help thinking that it would be more fun to win the lottery.

RenFaire Time

Our trip to Maryland Renaissance Festival yesterday was a great success. Rita couldn't go, of course, but both boys invited friends, so I set out with a cargo of five teenagers - Michael, his friends Amanda and Josh, and David and his friend Amber.

Had I mentioned I hate travel? Well, this area has helped develop that hatred to new levels. For unknown reasons, the junction from I-95 to the Beltway and I-395 had two of the three directions blocked off. Fortunately, it was still open my direction, but the huge number of drivers wanting to go elsewhere were jamming up my exit, driving slowly as they looked longingly at the way they wanted to go. Getting home was even worse - we left a little later than planned, and found ourselves in the traffic jam that results when the Redskins' game ends - half a stadium worth of people trying to get past the bottleneck at the Woodrow Wilson Bridge. It took us over an hour to go ten miles.

But we got there eventually, and it was worth it. I hung on to the kids long enough to get a couple pictures, but then each set of friends went off together, and I wandered the streets alone. That is actually not a bad way to see the Festival! It's nice to select which shows to see on your own, and to only look at the shops that really interest you, and especially to feel free to stop and watch the street theatre without worrying that your partner isn't interested.

That street theatre is one of the best parts of the Faire. Yes, some of the people you see passing are employees - such as the two women "dancing" on rings and ropes hanging from a tree branch 20 feet up. Others, I'm not sure about, like the four ladies ranging from a 6-year-old to an adult, all dressed in matching yellow outfits and mime makeup...and with Mom on 5 foot stilts. And still more were just fellow guests like myself, like the guy who has better than 50% of his chest, arms, and back covered with tattoos, or the ladies in belly-dancing garb dancing to whatever music was handy.

The scheduled acts are pretty good, too. I very much enjoyed the antics of Hack and Slash, two men who have a comedy act that includes whips, swords, and a bed of nails. Imagine, as Hack lies on the bed of nails, and Slash comments on how difficult that is...and how much MORE difficult it would be (as he lifts a concrete block from the stage) if we add the old-fashioned torture of weights on the chest (as he drops the block onto Hack - hey, isn't the chest a little bit higher up?).

The O'Danny Girls were great, too. Ribald lyrics in beautiful three-part harmony - I laughed at every verse, even the ones that made ME blush, and sang along with every chorus. They were followed by a band of two bagpipers and two drummers playing traditional Scottish and Celtic tunes...mixed with a little Stairway to Heaven!

Michael's group joined me for the Joust. I wasn't terribly impressed by that show, though. Certainly, the young squires that tried to catch the brass ring on their lances had a tough task, but I think the older squires throwing javelins at haybales could have done better. No one managed to unhorse their foe in the actual joust, nor even break a lance on their opponent, making it very difficult to tell who was winning. I suspect that the result of the whole competition was predetermined to match the story of the Faire, but I think the players went too far to make sure things ENDED right, at the cost of putting on a good show.

We spent way too much money, and I've got sore legs and blistered feet, but I definitely want to go back next year - and I'm looking forward to having Rita on my arm again for that one!

By the way, I've got pictures from our visit posted up - check my photos section if you're interested.